“Wives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without talk by the behavior of their wives…Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” 1 Peter 3:1-7

The Apostle Peter continues to give examples of how we live such good lives among the pagans that people see God and God is glorified. He now turns to the marriage relationship. Wives are to be submissive to their husbands – to willingly place themselves under his authority. Submission is a choice, modeled to us by Christ, which maintains all the dignity of being created in the image of God. It is not being controlled, it is a choice to live under God ordained authorities. The ultimate ‘submission’ is of course our submission to God, of which all lesser submissions are a reflection. The pivotal decision of our lives is when we submit to Jesus as our Lord and Savior.

Peter exhorts wives to be submissive to their husbands, and immediately gives the reason: to win them over to Christ by their behavior. Their influence is not just words, but more importantly is behavior. The assumption is that many Christian women have unbelieving husbands – a reality which is true today as well. Their influence is not to be merely external characteristics, but to be the internal beauty of their gentle and quiet spirit. We might say that it is not our ‘nagging’ that influences, but our life. That speaks to all of us.

Husbands are to be considerate and respect their wives, as fellow recipients of God’s grace. They are the ‘weaker partner,’ which is a general truth regarding women’s smaller physical stature. And they are to do this so that their prayers are not hindered, which is to say so that their relationship with God is not undermined.

The Apostle Paul says the same thing in Ephesians 5:22-33 and Colossians 3:18-19. Some consider whole discussion to be simply a reflection of the culture of the time. But Paul goes back to creation itself and finds God’s design for marriage there. I believe the husband is to have a leadership role within the family, and the wife is to be supportive of that leadership. He is to love, respect, and serve his wife and do what is best for her.

So what’s the problem? Why is this so controversial? The simple answer is sin – the fall has messed things us. Men are either passive or violent, and do not fulfill their calling well. And wives are sinners too. Thus, there is a lot of pain and brokenness. But God wants to redeem our marriages and to help us move toward the ideal He has for us. Both husband and wife – even as Christians – are imperfect, and so we move toward this goal with faith and love. We must be willing to take the first step and not wait for the other.

Question: Are we a life giver in our marriage/relationships? Do we expand our mate or make their lives worse? What is it like to be married to us? Are we willing to face up to that? What if we all thought most about our responsibility, and what God wanted us to do? Husbands would then work at loving their wives – not commanding and controlling them, but serving and protecting them. And wives would think about how to respect and build up their husbands and help them succeed in this leadership area. This is the grand ideal that God has for us – and He will help us. Thank God for grace – both forgiveness and entablement.

Ultimately, Jesus showed us the example, as articulated in Philippians 2:1-11. May this attitude of Christ characterize us in all places – but especially in our homes.

Pastor Tim, April 6, 2008